Last weekend, my husband and I went to a paint bar for our date night. I had never previously been and wasn't sure what to expect. I am aware that the concept of painting along is not new, before they have places for it there was always Bob Ross and The Joy of Painting on PBS. To be perfectly honest, I did not know who Bob Ross was until a year ago when my husband received a Bob Ross Chia Pet. That worked surprisingly well as you can see below. Clearly my knowledge of pop culture is not my greatest strength. I was excited to go and spend an afternoon painting, because I assumed it would be a fun excursion. This was true, but what I did not expect was how intense I would get about the painting in general and how hard it is to add new to something you already enjoy. This painting started with the background, which seemed like a natural place to start. Adding some of these layers were simpler for me than others, but what I struggled the most with was the black trees in the front. The reality is I knew once we got to using the black paint that whatever I put on the canvas was here to stay and would ultimately cover some of the work I had done before. There is something to be said for the ability to willingly forge ahead when you are not sure how your actions will destroy what you have previously done. Life reflected back to me in the creation of art. In life I do tend to forge ahead, trusting that I can always begin again, but in the painting it felt more permanent. The reminder of what had been was present in a way it does not feel present to me in daily life. I am a forward thinking person and I struggle to be present, but I am not often wistful for the past. I enjoy reminiscing, and remembering fun events, but I do not long for it to be now. In painting I was confronted with this idea in a very visceral way. We are a result of our choices, and we can always choose differently, but we still have made those choices. Honestly, when it comes to life I can accept this, but painting was much more of a struggle. One of the things I quickly realized is that a painting is a composite of many parts, I can appreciate one and dislike another. Finding a way to work on the parts that I did not initially enjoy was a challenge. I feared doing too much and not doing enough. I did not have the skill or understanding to know how to improve on the parts I felt did not meet my standards. By the end of the experience I felt my painting was passable and interesting enough even if not how I originally intended. Two lessons emerged from this experience. The first was the fact that my husband is patient and will do anything in his power to help me, even if he is not an expert. When I would get frustrated I would ask for his help and I found he was able to consider what was going on and add productive feedback, and also provide encouragement for me to keep going. I take it for granted what a great partner he is at times and it is moments like this I am quite glad that we are together. I find him to be able to be my better half and he knows what I need even when I sometimes struggle to see it for myself. The second lesson I realized was the fact that I need to get out of my comfort zone more. Doing things that push me helps me to create vivid memories and helps to stretch what I think I am capable of or what I think I can do. I love my routines and my habits, in fact I am considering sharing a few blog posts about some of them if ya'll are interested, but having something novel is a worthwhile endeavor too. As this weekend approaches, I encourage you to get out and explore, try something new and see where it leads you.
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From time to time I notice my books have themes. Recently the books I have been choosing or a few of them have been following the theme of being fairy tale adjacent. They are not genuine fairytales, there is a series of modern retellings and a book that is connected to a fictional set of fairytales.
In general I have been drawn to stories that are not based in reality. I find a fictional world allows me to recognize it as removed from my day to day life and allows me to suspend fear. I have typically been able to handle these stories better because I know they aren't real and in this stage of my life I think I appreciate the distance they offer.
On a side note, I listened to all of these books on audio and they are all read by the same narrator, Rebecca Soler, who I happen to love.
This book is a story about fictional fairytales. The protagonist's mother goes missing and in order to figure out what happened she must explore the stories that her grandmother wrote, a book of grim fairytales. The book has mystery surrounding it that she needs to learn about in order to find her mom. I appreciated that this book created it's own lore and I loved how fast paced it was and I found myself engaged wanting to know what happened next.
These 4 books form a series that I would say falls into the modern retelling genre. These books connect and intertwine so it makes sense to read them in order, top to bottom. The first is a modern retelling of Cinderella in a dystopian setting, the second is a modern retelling of Red Riding Hood, the third is a modern retelling of Rapunzel, and the final is a modern retelling of Snow White. These books are not simply retellings, but also develop a new storyline in response to the modern dystopian setting. I also appreciated that the author intentionally tried to tie the stories to places where they are thought to have originated or settings relevant to the fairytales themselves. I enjoyed the pace of these novels, but my one critique was that the main characters mostly tended to pair off in a predictable manner and I wished she had used the modern setting to give their endings a bit more nuance.
Any suggestions for more fairytale adjacent books? Any suggestions for ones I am missing or other recommendations would be much appreciated in the comments.
If you saw me walking down the street, you would probably not notice me. I am not someone whose clothing choices merit being noticed. I am usually dressed in what I would term "normal" clothes, no rips or holes but nothing flashy or particularly exciting. Starting two years ago, I determined I wanted clothing, but since I hate shopping I signed up for Stitchfix, a company that sends you clothes in your size for you to try on at home and then return the items that do not work for no additional charge. You are charged for the pieces you keep not the ones you send back. I have gotten Stitchfixes intermittently since. I realized though that I still struggle even with Stitchfix. Therefore this year I made one of my new years resolutions that I would get a better handle on my style and figure out what I want. I started this by reading the book The Curated (or cultivated check later) Closet. I have been using that book as a starting off point. I started by taking pictures of everything I wore for 14 days (not consecutively because I forgot a day or two here and there). I then looked at my outfits and my starting point and reflected on what worked and what didn't. From there I took to the internet, mainly blogs, Youtube and Pinterest to try and determine what I do like on others. For some people this part of the process is fun, getting inspired, but as I continued I realized that this whole process simply made me exhausted. I had wrongly assumed my lack of fashion sense was because I didn't care, not because it was a challenge for me. After adjusting my expectations, I continued and knew it would be hard and breaks were needed. After finding what I liked on others I analyzed the images and tried to determine what about those looks appealed to me. I made a list of those characteristics and took to the stores. That was painful too.
I am still in that process of looking in stores and trying things on and figuring out what I like on me as opposed to what I like on other people. I think that considering fashion and reflecting on what will work for me will be a process. I have taken a large amount of time to do this; not buying anything, just figuring it out. The funny thing is that most of the things I have figured out, are things my husband already knew. I have come to realize that things that surprise me or are interesting to me are obvious to him. That being said, I am not sure my sense of style has changed in years but rather I am more aware and more intentional, not as influenced by trends or what is "in". As I continue on this journey I am adding a few pieces every so often to my closet, starting with my highest priorities and going towards lower priorities. I have found that this process although painful is worth it, because I can look at clothing and tell whether or not it will work before I try it on, and I know what I am looking for. I am willing to be picky and take time to make sure each piece I add is just right knowing that the results from a lengthy search and careful choice will be better than rushed choices. This style challenge started as part of my happiness project. I am focusing on loving my body, through food, exercising and taking care of myself so that I love who I am now, not just who I "want to be" for me focusing on the ideal is putting too much focus towards the expectations rather than allowing me to be present and accepting of my life as it is. For the month of September, I am going to start again. I plan on trying to mix and match clothes I actually own. I may struggle with clothing being pregnant, but I find that when I slow down and take an extra moment or two I just feel better. I will also try to add a few items to my collection and just get more creative with what I have in a way that I does not come naturally, but hopefully with practice will become more second nature. I also plan on tracking my outfits for the entire month through an app and use another app to track the usage of my clothes and my outfit ideas to determine what is working and what isn't. If you have any ideas or suggestions, all would be appreciated. One of the posts I enjoy writing the most is a link up with Emily P. Freeman. I really enjoy writing what I learned this summer. Basically she divides the year into seasons 3 months each and takes the time to look back and reflect upon them. I find this practice gives me enough time to think about all that has changed and also helps me with moving forward to a new point in time. Simple is BetterI fall into the trap that I am pretty sure most of us do where I think something new and shiny must be better. One of the ways this has occurred is with breakfast. I have decided that I want to try out new breakfast recipes, when what ultimately ends up happening is that I do not like them and would have preferred my standard go to breakfasts. This is true with breakfast, but it is also true in many other parts of our lives. My husband is an engineer and he often states that when you add more moving parts you have more opportunities for the machine to fail. I think this is true of life as well. We try to add in all the things, with the American ideal of "having it all" urging us along, when in reality we do not need all the things. By complicating our lives we make them more chaotic and stressful and can lose sight of what really matter. It does not matter how much you can accomplish if you aren't treating those around you well. I am finding in this season of much change that simple is best, less things, less on my plate and making space for what is to come just feels right. It is the simple things in life that allow us the time to stop and see a rainbow. To recognize what is around us in nature and to watch the seasons unfold. Trusting My BodyOne specific effort I made since being pregnant is to listen to my body. Not to eat what I think I should, not to try to psych myself out but to simply listen and respond in kind. I think this summer I have gotten the hang of it. I have eaten when I am hungry stopped before I am overly full and am able to better adjust for what my body needs. I am not perfect by any stretch of the imagination, but I am finding more and more that my body knows what it needs. It has taken me until a few recent weeks to actually look pregnant and I think that was trusting my body as well. I do not need the visual to know I am pregnant and that I can feel the baby moving around. I am trusting it to do what it needs to do. I think ultimately being able to listen to my body is a skill I will take with me for years to come. My body is not to be doubted and second guessed, but rather to be trusted as a source of information. Now that I feel I can actually do that I can move onto something else and find peace in places it never existed before. Letters are great mailThis summer I was inspired by my dad to write letters with him the old fashioned way. When I was younger I used to write more letters in an effort to save the post office myself. Yes, for some reason I believed me using it would be enough to make their business model viable. Nowadays I do not send letters that frequently, but I have started sending a few and it feels so nice to sit down and get some words on paper and to really be able to sit with your thoughts long enough to write them down. Also then getting a letter in the mail is usually a piece of joy mixed in amongst the bills. Appreciate the seasonIn the past I have been one who has wanted to rush through summer and have it be fall already and this year I am instead relishing summer. I am enjoying summer produce and loving the parts that are uniquely summer, wearing shorts and just enjoying the sunshine. I think we oftentimes want to hurry up and move on, or at least I do and this year I feel like I have been better able to be present and appreciate all that summer has to offer me. What have you learned this summer? If you want to read more click here to see others reflections on the summer.
One of the things I do regularly is yoga. I have done this for a few years now and have been slowly but surely working my way through the plethora of Youtube yoga channels. My most recent completion was The Journey Junkie. Following her I have to say pushed me out of my comfort zone in a few ways. She pushes to do a number of balance postures that I cannot necessarily do, especially now when pregnant. She also is a bit more into the spiritual side of yoga that I am not sure I follow completely, but overall I was glad to learn from her and as with all things I found things she did that I really enjoyed. Yoga is funAllie, the instructor of The Journey Junkie, constantly talks about the challenging postures in a way that truly invites you to have fun. She wants the journey to be enjoyable and viewing difficulty as a fun opportunity to try something new actually seemed to help me in doing the postures. I really also found that it was contagious and made me want to find more fun elsewhere in my life. Even when she was participating in spiritual practices that I found odd or uncomfortable, I remembered to have fun with it and enjoy the process. Listen to your bodyShe is constantly inviting you to listen to your body and not push yourself too hard when you are not warm or when your body tells you to stop. She talks about how she pushed herself too much early on and now she trusts her body. I feel like the repetition of this message was important for me and is something I continue to take with me. I feel like this is the central message and I have found again and again that my body can be trusted. My body knows how much to eat and how much to move and how much to rest, it is my job to listen and not try to push myself too hard. Look WithinIn addition to trusting your body and looking for cues within, Allie asks us as her audience to dig deep. She wants us to question our understandings of ourselves and to be willing to face ourselves in all of what lies within. She suggests that taking the time to consider our thoughts and our minds as a large part of who we are is a useful and important practice. I am grateful for the number of ways she has asked me to question beliefs and to trust what I already know rather than listen to the sea of doubt. Do you have any yoga suggestions? I have a new channel I am hoping to test out but am always on the lookout for more yoga.
The past couple weeks of our lives have been quite busy. We have been filled with preparations and getting things done. I have cleaned, cooked, shopped, and done what needed doing. The past two days have been a time for rest and honestly I can say I needed them. One of the ways God speaks into my life is by suggesting again and again that rest is necessary. We were not meant to work all the time, we were meant to rest. The idea of sabbath is something I have explored in many ways whether that meant slowing down upon entering a new space, or whether that meant taking a full day of doing nothing. I think we can find the rest in the moments and in the days, but we have to look for it. When I think about life, especially in our world of constantly being busy and going places, those are not typically the moments I relish. I find it easy to believe from the internet that people are constantly doing wonderful things all the time. If that is your jam, continue to do it. For me though, that is not my thing. I like my life to have a wide birth, lots of white space with which to enjoy the everyday. I would say it has taken me years to enjoy the space. Many years I tried to escape the space. I tried to fill it with more, more errands and activities, more noise. I would say for us, our lives are at a fairly quiet stage, more so than usual, but with all of the other changes occurring- getting ready for Tiny Human, I think we need the time and space. We need the room to breathe. I need moments without noise, with no podcasts, with no music, with just silence. Moments that allow me to breathe again and to think. My life is not visibly flashy. Aside from some food that will soon be eaten there is not much to visibly show what is occurring, but I feel a deep peacefulness within. I love these days of not tons to do and more time and space to think and allow myself to just me. One of the things I have really taken to heart since being pregnant is listening to my body. I sleep more and take breaks, and eat when I am hungry. I trust that my body knows what it is doing. My body gains peace in the quiet, peace in the stillness, and joy from simply being here in this moment, not looking forward, not planning, but knowing where I am is exactly where I want to be. I do not want more flashy excursions. I do not want a different life, I enjoy mine. I am finding joy in the quiet of mine and the simple ability to trust that everything is as it should be. In the past I may have thought that a quiet life, means I am not motivated, not learning, not challenging myself or pushing hard enough. I think in reality though to sit in the silence takes strength not often considered. If we are constantly running from ourselves we end up exhausted and not being able to take action on the things that need our attention. Our attention is not needed to be in a million places at once. There are many things I am willing to say no to to ensure that my time is really mine. I would urge you to take the time, even if it is a single minute to just sit in silence and see how it feels. See what a little bit of daily space will allow in your life. It may change you in ways you have yet to realize or in ways you won't see for years to come, but I think it is worth it.
One recipe that has taken me longer to perfect than I initially anticipated was a stir fry. When I was younger, I remember making stir fries often with whatever was around the house. I found though in attempting to recreate one I like I struggled. The first ones I made were too soggy and wet, some of them burnt, and overall I felt lacked flavor. I found finally one recipe I could stand behind. This is what I want in a stir fry, flavor and vegetables that are cooked, but not soggy. I start by making the sauce. I take 1/4 cup of reduced sodium soy sauce, mirin and honey and boil on high. Once boiling I reduce the heat to medium and reduce it until thick, which took me about 8 minutes. Then I gather my ingredients and prep them all. When it comes to a stir fry prep is essential. You are cooking at high heat, so if you have not prepped everything will overcook or burn. For this particular stir fry I diced 1/4 c of onion, chopped a small head of broccoli, and chopped 4 ounces of green beans. I sliced two carrots into half moon shapes, cutting them into rounds and then cutting the rounds in half. I also minced three cloves of garlic. Make sure you cut your vegetables into small pieces, when they are larger they do not stir fry as nicely. From there I heated two tablespoons of toasted sesame oil in a large sauté pan over medium heat until it was warm. If you struggle knowing when this is you can do this one of two ways, you can hold your hand above the pan to see if it feels warm or you can add a few drops of water to the pan and wait for them to sizzle. Next I added in the garlic until sizzling and cooked for about a minute, garlic can burn quickly so watch it closely if your stovetop is hotter you may need less than a minute. Once you see the garlic starting to turn a golden color at the edges you should move on even if it is a shorter amount of time. Next turn the heat up to high and add your vegetables and 3 tablespoons of the sauce. Cook for 3-4 minutes until cooked through. Make sure not to overcrowd your pan or your vegetables will get soggy. Also while the vegetables cook you should be stirring pretty constantly to ensure nothing burns at that high of a heat. Once cooked until soft, remove from the heat garnish with sesame seeds and enjoy. You will have extra sauce that stores nicely in the fridge. Stir FryOne of the things I have learned over the years through my epic cooking failures and cooking wins is that cooking for me is a hobby. I do not define myself by my wins and failures, but I try my best to learn and eat and enjoy a variety of foods knowing that each dish can teach me something even if that something is that I do not enjoy that particular food.
I cook for myself because I enjoy the process and I like eating a variety of food. I also cook for loved ones to show how much I care. I put pieces of myself into the foods I cook, and I have learned over the years that there are many foods that because I know my tastes better than anyone else I can make to my preference whereas I may struggle to find those foods cooked well by someone else. I am not the worlds pickiest eater, but if you can make it better at home than store bought you stop buying things except in extreme circumstances. I cook with all my soul and have been doing so since I was quite young. What hobbies do you throw your whole self and your heart into? Please share below. Lately I have been thinking about how my life and who I am as a person influences the food I make and the recipes I choose.
One of the realities about me is that I am blunt. I am not cruel or unkind, but I am honest to a large extent. I am not afraid to make people feel a little uncomfortable, if I have though through what I am going to say I typically have no regrets. I am not passive aggressive, for the most part how I treat you is how I will also talk about you when you are not there, the exceptions being sometimes I am just ridiculous and overtired, but when I am awake and alert my discussions to your face and behind your back will be the same. I like this because I do not have to pay attention to the lie or try to remember what I think or said. I can just be myself and I enjoy this thoroughly. When it comes to cooking I expect this same level of honesty from my food. I typically find that food that is pretending to be other food is not for me. I do not appreciate zucchini noodles. I love zucchini, but once it pretends it is a noodle I am no longer interested. I think mostly because there is no need to hide it in that fashion and in reality regular noodles are better noodles than zucchini. Many other substitutions and swaps I am not a fan of because I often feel like the original tastes better. I am constantly in search of taste and flavor and when it comes to food if you are trying to be something you are not the taste will suffer and lack. Honesty in all things, in life and in food. Have you noticed any trends that flow from life to food and back again? Even typing that word makes me cringe.
Why does failure feel so bad? Why do we spend time contemplating and evaluating and feeling bad about what we have done wrong? When it comes to failure, I feel like I fail fairly frequently, but if I am honest most of those failures are low stakes. I make new recipes that don't work, I try new restaurants I don't like. I feel like lately I am not taking a ton of big risks at once. I hate to be honest and admit that, but it is true. We took a risk and moved to New Hampshire and if I am being honest, we think it was mistake. I am not attempting to find a full time job or going back to graduate school, both dreams I have, but both are deferred. In part they are deferred because we do not want to live here and in part they are deferred because of circumstances. We have one car, which would make the navigating of that challenging at best. I am pregnant which would make finding a job more difficult, even though we are supposed to live in a society of equal opportunity employment I do not imagine many people love the idea of hiring someone who will have frequent doctors appointments and will leave when the baby comes. Instead I am in a season of sitting and waiting. If I am going to be frank, I find this to be harder than failing. I think there is a satisfaction that comes with knowing you have tried something. I do not feel that level of satisfaction, really I feel like I am not trying anything other than trying to be present with what is and accept life as it arrives. The lack of motion in my life, with the notable exception of pregnancy, makes me feel like more of a failure than any attempts would. I am not someone who loves to wait. I want to do it all tomorrow and if I have an idea I want to be able to follow through on it now, not after having to wait for it to come to pass. I have come to learn that making all the big decisions at once, does have a price, usually on my body and my sanity. One big decision per year was told to me, and although I think that is good, I do still find it not to be enough. I think I often believe if I just work hard enough everything will turn out the way I hope it is, and in certain areas of life this is true. Life as a whole though is not under my control. I can make decisions that have an impact and influence how it goes, but in reality I am not in charge. Many factors I have no ability to determine at all. I wonder though if this is just what life is a constant form of recalibration. We find the balance between making decisions and accepting life as it occurs. We try to see a way through all the obstacles and barriers between where we are now and where we hope to end up. The reality of it all is that there is no balance no perfect medium. We have to walk each day as best as we are able. We have to accept our failures even if they are in my case failures to act instead of failures that result from action. We all try things that do not work out and we move on, we all wait to try things and wish we had done them sooner or were glad we waited. Time will tell us how each decision or lack of decision will turn out. Failure can be a label we use or it can just be a part of life. We do not have to cringe from the word itself, but rather recognize it as a healthy and normal part of the process. |
About MeI'm Sarah; a wife, traveler, foodie, and adventurer. Archives
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