Cultural values are unique.I think one of the things that I learned again was that cultural values are specific. We traveled to Japan and the values were different and I was surprised by how much it influenced everything. The way people behaved on the subway or the ways people interacted were just different. I think sometimes when I stay in a place I am familiar with I assume the cultural values here are the same universally and I am always caught off guard and remember that my experience is not the experience of everyone. A haircut can make a big difference.I typically am not someone who gets consistent haircuts. I get them once every few years. I basically always have moved by the time it it time for a new haircut. I find this to be frustrating and I am always hesitant when going to a new hairdresser, usually I am conservative with my haircuts in case it is tragic. In general, I just wait it out. I actually had my first good haircut in about 4 years and it made such a difference. I felt like a new person. I am surprised at how much it made me feel more like me. Trust your body.One of the things I am learning is to trust my body. I am learning to go slower and do what I need to do, to take time as I need it. I am also able to trust that my body knows what it is doing and I can just relax and listen and I will be okay.
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One of my weird superpowers is my ability to see a situation from multiple points of view. I am able to create stories to justify the actions of many people. I often have discussions and take up the position of defending those the world views as not able to be defended. The more I consider the logic behind this the more I consider how much we seek to distance ourselves from those we see as villain or other. We can stigmatize these people so as not to see those qualities in ourselves. The reason I often defend the "villain" is because I see within myself the potential for villainy. I know I have the capacity to do great harm or great good and by seeing that I empathize and sympathize with those who are moral reproachable in some way shape or form. By putting myself in their place and understanding their actions, it seems to other people like I am accepting what travesty has occurred. The truth though is no one is a villain and if I were all judged by my most atrocious acts, I could come out looking like a villain too. Ultimately the truth is in the eye of the beholder and history is written by the victors. Stigmatizing people who do "bad" things is not allowing people the space to change. The ability to choose differently is taking the action and using it to define a person rather than simply acknowledging that the person made a choice that is bad that does not indeed make the person bad. I found this to be true in teaching too. When you characterize a student as bad, you are not giving them the opportunity to change.
We as humans all make bad choices. Sometimes due to lack of sleep or stress, and we have the opportunity to change. We want to simplify the world, and I get it simplifying feels easier, it seems to make the whole thing easier. The reality is though it shuts down our ability to connect. By placing someone in the bad category, we are making them less human and are hurting our ability to witness who they are today in this moment by stating that they must be who they were when we defined them. We do not get to define other people, we can only define ourselves. Would we really want to be categorized based on poor choices? Can we give grace to ourselves and allow ourselves to grow and change? Can we do that for others? In my mind, there is no one who is villainous, everyone is worthy of care and concern, everyone struggles. We need to hold space for others and have compassion. Compassion, but also boundaries. We can love other people and also recognize and take ownership for our feelings around that person. We can take time and space for ourselves. We are also accountable and if we do not have the emotional space for compassion, we may need more physical space and time apart from that person to be the people we want to be understanding that that person may be struggling too. The world is too complicated for black and white, too complicated for our categories. If we slow down and start to see the intention and the struggle we can hold space in our hearts for others and not dictate who they are. We can allow them to change and grow. We can accept them in this moment and the next. We can love each other and I think if we did that the world would be a much better place. In life, I struggle with jealousy. It is easy to look at someone else's life and to pick and choose the things that seem better than yours. It is quite easy to come up looking less than. I find when I start down this road I always come up lacking. What I have started to do when I feel jealous of others is to reframe my thoughts. Usually I find this to be a good reminder of things I already knew or know but seem to have forgotten.
The first way I try to reframe my mind is to consider the world as connected. When someone else improves or achieves something it makes my world better and their world better and the world at large better. More for them is more for me. Any win for one is a win for all. We often look at the world from a more competitive mindset, seeing someone else's gain as our loss, but often times this is not true. When our friends and family get healthier, they will live longer which benefits us, we can view their success as something that will benefit us rather than be sad that we have not gotten healthier. When someone we do not know does better, a farmer decides to grow more organic food, that is available for us. I often find it helpful to realize how reliant we are upon others. What is good for them is good for us all. This frame of reference is typically the most helpful because it is the most positive. The other way I have learned to reframe my mind is to consider a person's life as a whole unit. Rather than picking apart the pieces I want, I ask myself do I want their life as a whole taking all the bad with the good because life is not a piecemeal deal. We do not get to "have it our way" but rather our decisions and who we are continually shape and reinforce the reality that is our lives. We cannot have just one aspect because oftentimes it is a result of some personality trait or effort, or character flaw that we are not aware of or cannot see. We like to assume people are only the surface we see, we think that the visible is the true, not recognizing that the invisible can still be true. Who we are ultimately wins out. In this way jealousy can be a tool for clarification. Why am I jealous? Do I want what that person has (lifestyle, physical object, life stage, relationships) because I want it or because I feel I should want it (societal pressure, expectations of others, untrue expectations of myself)? If I actually want it for myself, then I consider what steps can I take towards the life I want. If I do not actually want it, then I work to let it go. Pressuring myself to do things I do not like and to be someone I am not does not lead to a happy life for me, but rather is a recipe for burnout and chaos. This way of viewing makes me also recognize that I have much to be grateful for in my life. I have an abundance of privileges and thinking about life as a holistic endeavor makes me see my own growth and how far I have come, which inspires me to make changes today that will shift where I head. Is jealousy something you struggle with? What shifts in the way you think about it help you to be grateful for what you have? My husband and I took a trip last year to Canada, we drove across the border (a first for me) and drove into another country. I have to say upon returning, my expectations and my experience were different. I keep working on trying to have no expectations, and am surprised when I realized they are a part of my experience.
As an American, I assumed Canada would be similar to America and no adjustments would be needed, but that was not the case. Michael Pollan once wrote how when we travel to a new country everything is just different enough that it makes us pay attention and all the tasks we once thought of as rote and routine become new and require our immediate attention. In other words, travel is a great way to force yourself into being present. I did not assume this would be the case in Canada and I have to say I was wrong. One tip if you are an American and you have those passport cards (specifically for driving over the border) is that you can hold them up to a scanner before you even get to the booth. We had crossed the border a few times before we realized how this simple trick would help, then we did not feel the need to take out our passports and in one case we did not need to give the border agent anything at all, because all our information instantly appeared on his screen like magic. After crossing the border I realized the first difference, the metric system. I have to say I am not opposed to the metric system and my husband has wanted America to adopt the metric system for quite a while. The one problem with that was that my car did not want to adopt the metric system and all of our monitoring for speed was in miles per hour not kilometers per hour. We in fact could find no way to switch the system in our car, a digital readout to be in kilometers so we were estimating our speed the whole way. Then the next sign we weren't "in Kansas anymore" so to speak is that the money the Canadians used was different. My husband was more prepared for this than I, he had checked at our bank to find a Canadian bank where we could take out money without horrendous fees, aside from the typical conversion fee. I was shocked when the ATM spit out what looked like plastic money. I honestly became obsessed. I loved how colorful it was and the beautiful pictures on it, I think we get so used to the way our money looks and that it is simply a tool to pay for things, we stop seeing what is on it and noticing the details. This did not get old and every time we got to pay cash (I was going to type had to but it felt instead like a privilege to pay cash) it was a fun experience. Driving in a foreign country is interesting and after my husband and I drove in Italy nothing ever feels so serious. When driving in Ontario the rest stops are called ONroute and usually have rest rooms, meals and internet, which is handy when you do not have cellular service. When traveling abroad cellular service can be complicated. When we first went to Italy we had none, and solely used the WiFi. We had downloaded some maps on Google and our GPS system still tracked us, but that was it. When we went to Germany last year, we discovered we can pay per day to use the cellular service abroad with our provider (Verizon), and we chose to do that with one phone so we could connect with our friend there, but it was not simple, we basically ended up still connecting via internet channels rather than regular phone calls. In Canada we did the same by only having one of our phones connected (to cut down on cost), so I was glad to have WiFi at those stops because as a chronic Googler it is hard for me to not be able to research the answers to questions I have. In the Quebec region, they are not as clearly marked or labeled and there do not seem to be many rest stops. Most places will have gas stations with a WC where you can use the restroom, but some do not. When we entered Quebec, the feeling that we had actually left the country magnified even more. Most people in Quebec speak both languages, but it became clear to us that really French is the main language and English is secondary. I felt okay knowing some French and was able to get by. It was harder for my husband who does not have any background speaking French, he felt out of place and had not realized how much he would feel like an outsider. Figuring out how to work parking in cities in Quebec was slightly challenging, but doable. Overall I have to say, Canada was an experience, but I enjoyed our trip. We were able to see a large portion of Canada. We drove through Niagara Falls, Niagara on the Lake, Toronto, Montreal, Quebec City, and Ottawa. I enjoyed Niagara on the Lake, Toronto, Quebec City and Ottawa the most. Niagara on the Lake and Quebec City had a small European town vibe, with small side streets and shops. Toronto was the most sprawling city I have ever seen, I could not really determine the center. Surprisingly in Toronto we ran into another group from Iowa and were able to bond, it is surprising how being in a new situations leads people to want to connect and to be willing to speak to you when they might not ordinarily. Ottawa was beautiful, the architecture there was amazing and I was impressed by the beauty of it. I would definitely return to Canada. My few takeaways are to expect it to be different from daily life, to stay in one place longer (we basically drove to a new city or area every day for 9-10 days), to slow down and not feel like we had to do it all, and to do a bit more research into the attractions so as to feel connected and excited about what Canada has. What are your experiences traveling abroad? Was there anything I missed that I should go back and check out? My husband and I do plan on visiting Vancouver. I would love to visit Nova Scotia and British Columbia. I was listening to a podcast that suggested I go out to eat at restaurant with a cuisine I do not typically eat that is independently owned preferably by recent immigrants. I thought about this and realized this is something we do often. We try a new restaurant every week. These small steps may seem insignificant but they matter. I will go to a restaurant and feel uncomfortable. I think back upon it and I have done this numerous times, ordered things I didn't understand and tried dishes I might not have ordered had I been better informed. I do not look back on these experiences with regret.
One of the lessons I have learned through life is that fear is not something to be taken too seriously. Now I do realize there are circumstances where being afraid is of value, but in general in our modern lives fear does not actually help in most situations. Biologically fear was useful, and the cost for being afraid was slim because the cost of being unafraid were actually catastrophic. Historically being eaten by a tiger was more likely than it is today, and our biology has not caught up with the way society has evolved. We are a society that is afraid of things that are not deadly. We have unrealistic fears and ignore the more likely pitfalls. We do this with something as simple as going out to eat. One of the things I have learned as a person who is often afraid is that fear doesn't last. I have spent quite a bit of time wading through the fear, wading through the failure and I have known that coming out the other side is worth it. My mind is able to construct eccentric ideas of what will happen, but those ideas often are lies. I realize that the discomfort I feel in trying out a restaurant whose cuisine I have never had is a small price to pay. This is where I start to recognize my privilege. I realize that many people experience much more discomfort on a regular basis. I can choose my discomfort, what a privilege that is. I often allow my moments of privilege to be unacknowledged . I am not aware of how safe I am and how lucky I am. I was born with the ability to go almost anywhere and feel safe. When I crossed the border into Canada I was not afraid. When I returned home, I knew I would have enough. I am able to take vacations. Some of this is a matter or circumstance, but most of this comes from being born white with enough money and resources. I have an education and I know how to gather and find resources. I am easily accepted and people do not fear me for reasons that have nothing to do with me personally. As we explore, I find it important to stay grounded and realize that my moments of uncertainty are just that, moments. How lucky that a vast majority of my life feels safe and secure. I often think about how much of American culture focuses around greed, the more and cheaper and that we believe we really can have that at no cost. As I have read The Omnivore's Dilemma, I have started to see the hidden cost. The real cost that comes later with damage to the environment, poor working conditions for people, damage to animals and the creation of new disease. Michael Pollan suggests we can pay that cost now or later, and I would rather spend more money to pay it now, that being said it is quite a privileged thing to say. I have the ability. Part of me wants to suggest what he does that more of us have the money than we are willing to admit, we just typically choose to spend it on other things. Our choices matter, our actions matter, even on the small scale. We often think that we have no power, we disempower ourselves, but in reality everything we do shapes the world around us. Where we eat, what activities we participate in and the work we do changes the world we live in in a very real way. I do not write this to suggest that we all need to choose the same as me, but rather to acknowledge that even when we refuse to admit it, we are making a choice and that choices has real consequences so we should consider it wisely. I have been on at least a dozen road trips. My husband and I do lots of driving. I am under thirty and yet I have been to all but 4 states in the USA. I really enjoy travel, but as I have driven I have come to realize that some tips and tricks can make the trips more enjoyable and easier. Tip 1: Know that it will get easier with practice. This could be a tip for life in general not just traveling on a trip. The more experience you have the more realistic your expectations and the more you will know what works for you. The best way to get better at something is to do it more often. Our first road trip was way more of a hot mess than our later ones that being said we noticed that our most recent road trip felt too long and we are now brainstorming ways to avoid that, staying in one place for more than a day or shortening the trip to not feel so frantic. Tip 2: Set a reasonable pace. Do not expect to drive 10-12 hour days. At least not on your first road trip. Plan for less hours of driving and plan to stop regularly to stretch your legs. Tip 3: Think through your food choices. As someone who has been on many a road trip can tell you, food and what to do for it is a choice. You can go down the snacking route and try to bring high quality snacks and things the driver can quickly or easily eat, but that is not my preferred method. One tip that seems counter productive, but I often find isn't is stop for your meals and get out and leave the car. Eat in a place and feel like a person not just someone who drives. For me I found it to be better to eat at a place, eat real food and give up snacking so I do not feel gross eating unhealthfully while on the road, especially as the person who does not usually drive. Side note: Here are some tips for finding good places to eat while out. TV Food Maps is a free app that shows locations of restaurants that have been on television shows. I have found it to be hit or miss. I feel the same way about Yelp. Usually TripAdvisor is fairly reliable, especially when overseas. In the US, my most recent way to find restaurants is to use Google Maps. When you are at a place you want to stop you use the Explore menu and select Restaurants. Once there the trick is to scroll until you find a restaurant with a special symbol underneath. The symbol can be a number of things, but what it ultimately means is that there is an article or blog somewhere that recommends this restaurant. I have found great luck with reviewed restaurants in cities and places I do not know. You can click on the symbol and read the entire article to see if it is a location that is interesting to you. Tip 4: Stop frequently. One thing about a road trip is because you are driving it is best to try to enjoy the drive. When you have to stop for food or bathroom breaks, get out and stretch your legs and body, enjoy the movement. Realize that rather than trying to push through if you slow down a bit the trip will be more fun for everyone involved. Tip 5: Plan for fun while driving. As someone who does not do tons of the driving, at a certain point you will notice that everything starts to look the same. Not all the time, but there will be moments you will think all forests look the same, or why so much corn. It helps to plan and have ideas for ways to enjoy the trip. There is the obvious, choose good music that people will love. One thing my husband and I like to do is listen to an audiobook, because at some point we run out of things to say. You could listen to a podcast as well. I like to listen to something together and take the time to pause and stop. I find detective novels are quite good for this. Another idea is to have some type of car game, there are many. One thing I like to do is to play the license plate game and see how many states I can find plates from on our journey. I use the States and Pl8ts app to track that, keep in mind it will be really exciting the first couple days and the excitement will die down as you only have a few plates left to find. I also sometimes bring knitting or crocheting, something I can do without tons of thought but that will keep my hands busy. I know growing up we had cards for car bingo we used on road trips that were quite fun. Tip 6: Make stops for odd attractions. One great thing about being on a road trip is you stop by small towns you might otherwise never visit. Use this as an opportunity to do the cheesy thing and enjoy it. We have used the app Roadtrippers to help us plan out those things ahead of time or to know what is available. Tip 7: Stop at the rest stop.
Growing up, I am not sure we ever stopped at a rest stop. We typically instead stopped at Gas Stations. I can see the appeal either way. If you need gas, a gas station is a good option, but if not rest stops on the side of the highways tend to have these benefits. A most rest stops are not filled with food that you or your children will want to purchase, making it easier to say no to vending machine food. A rest stop is on the way and you typically do not even have to get off of the highway to go to the rest stop. Even if you do not need to use the bathroom, rest stops tend to have nice grassy areas where you can get out and stretch your legs. A rest stop also has maps, you may say well it is 2019 and my phone has GPS why would I want a map. I have to say though that when you are traveling through routes less taken, specifically mountainous areas, GPS will not connect and you will have to hope for the best. Having a map as an extra form of insurance is not always a bad idea and usually the maps at rest stops are free. One note of caution: not all rest stops are created equal and some are significantly worse than others, but that is something you will only learn by trial and error. I hope this helps you in your willingness to take a road trip. They are fun and formative experiences that can tie a family together. Are there any tips you think I forgot? If so leave them below. Friendly NeighborsSince we have moved lately I have found it hard to feel at home in our current place, but one thing that happen this week made me actually appreciate living here. A neighbor brought a package up to my door trying to be kind and introduced herself to me. I found this encounter to be just wonderful. I want to reciprocate by baking and I am hoping at some point I will actually be able to do so, but I am just glad to have nice neighbors and to feel included. Sunny WeatherWe have had a quite rainy and gray spring thus far. I am excited to see the sun poking out through the clouds and making walking so inviting and nice. A Long WeekendI am thrilled that Memorial Day is coming up and my husband and I will have a nice three day weekend together with no where to go and nothing to do. We have been traveling quite a lot recently and sometimes it is just nice to stay home and relax. My Own BedOne part of travel I am not the biggest fan of is the sleeping arrangements. Sure the beds at hotels are fine, they are clean and big, but I love the firmness of my bed and being back in it I am finding my sleep is better which makes me feel more ready for life in general. Audiobooks & PodcastsI have gotten back into listening to audio content lately and I am just loving it. I forgot how much fun it can be to just listen and it enables me to multitask in a way not many other things do.
What are you loving this week? Share in the comments below. I have never been one to shy away from conflict. I say this with the understanding that I do not want conflict for conflict's sake, but rather that conflict doesn't frighten me. Many people I know do not agree with this and instead they consider conflict something to fear. I think for some people conflict makes it feel like everything is falling apart. The world as they know it will cease to exist and disagreement is not only a sign that things are seriously wrong, but also that they are broken and can never be fixed. Yes, this is a bit extreme, I am sure most people probably fall into the feelings of this is wrong, we shouldn't be fighting or disagreeing or my opinion is unwelcome. I am not a fan of either of those lines of thinking. In fact, I believe the opposite. I have often been a fan of conflict. I like it when people are willing to disagree and put themselves out there.
Part of me likes the broken down messiness of a "fight" (meaning people stating differing opinions verbally, not physically, I am NOT a fan of physical conflict just to be clear), not because I enjoy the process, although it isn't the worst, but what I really love is the result. I like to sit there with all the facts and opinions laid out before me and then I feel like I can see the next place to go the logical next step. Once people have lost their facades and their composure the truth is revealed. Conflict often is a space for people to say what they are thinking but are either afraid to share or wouldn't choose to share because it feels mean and unkind. Once these truths are revealed I find it easy to piece it all back together to see the points of view and to make what I believe to be an objective decision, although as a human being I am actually incapable of doing so. I find though the knowing to be satisfying and the conflict to be a way to gain the freedom to speak your mind. As a child, this came in the form of loud arguments and as I have aged, I have grown. Now my conflicts are not yelling matches, but rather are discussions, and I am listening and hearing as well as sharing. I have learned that truths do not need conflict to be revealed, but rather trust can do the same thing. In a space of trust and understanding, I gain the freedom (or in fact give myself permission to be free) to say what I really feel, to share my fears and doubts, to say what is running through my mind and driving me mad. I can do this in a way that isn't rude or mean, that doesn't involve loud voices and violent tones, but in calm voices in a space of love and acceptance. If I had told my younger self that, I am not sure I would have listened. I would have believed that I was being foolish, or that I was just opening myself up for pain and hurt and disappointment. Part of me wants to give that girl a hug and tell her it is okay, she doesn't have to do it all alone. It is okay to trust, and to let others in, it is okay to share the burden, it doesn't make you weak, but in fact shows a new kind of strength. A strength you share with others, a way to realize that you are at risk for pain, but you are also at risk for tremendous joy. You cannot have one without the other. Conflict is not bad in and of its own right, how we choose to react and respond to it can be, and disagreements can feel like a risk, sharing something that isn't popular can be hard. I am not suggesting we all share all of our unpopular opinions all of the time, but what I can suggest is that finding space to be ourselves in an unpolished way frees us. We do not need conflict in a violent or aggressive manner, but we do need spaces to be heard. To see all the facts and opinions clearly on the table and to be willing to continue on with someone else knowing that their view will always be different is a challenge, but one I think is worth taking. This type of challenge is vital to our existence in community, vital to our connecting, and vital to our sense of belonging, our wish to be seen and heard for who we are not who we are pretending to be. Many months ago, I got my starter ready and raring to go. I woke up the next day ready for bread, the baking of it that is. It started out great. I had just enough flour and it was looking good. I started to knead it and should have realized my mistakes then, but no I pressed on. I tried to knead it into submission, but realized it was sticking so ferociously to the counter that I needed to scrape it off. This would have been fine, but the kitchen scraper was in a drawer and the dough was cemented onto my hands. I should have stopped and washed them off, I should have listened to the bread then, but did I, no, I thought I knew better. I opened the door with a few of my sticky fingers and quickly grabbed the scraper, but it offered no relief. Instead of helping to coalesce the dough into an orderly mound, I had provided the dough another sticky surface to adhere to. Did I stop? I bet you can guess the answer is no. I did not stop. I then continued to put the sticky dough into un-floured containers. I left it to rise and came back to dough stuck in my rising containers, to remove it I lost all the air. I then sat down and gave up. Like I literally gave up and sat on the couch. Eventually my husband was able to convince me that all was okay, he helped me to make order, to buy more flour and I decided to start again. I started again a day later and continued the next morning working on it. It still did not turn out great. The thing about bread and baking, is that it cannot be rushed, it cannot be done thoughtlessly. Bread requires an awareness and a mindfulness. Bread requires time, effort, patience and a willingness to adapt. When I am not able to give it these things, bread shows me so by failing to work. Instead of pursuing it, I should have stopped. Instead of my own pride telling me to press on, I should have slowed down, noticed accepted and made adjustments accordingly.
Life is like bread. You need to slow down, think things through, have patience, you must be willing to adapt. Without adaptation nothing works. Without change and shifts you are destined for a sticky messy disaster. I am a person of routine, a person with a rhythm and I like things to go one way, my way, when they don't I continue and assume that effort alone will fix all the mess, but sometimes that effort is just a continuation of a wrong turn. Instead of one wrong turn, I end up taking seven. By the time I finally learn, I am exhausted and it is all my own doing and all could have been completely prevented. Frank Sonnenberg once said "Lessons in life will be repeated until they are learned." Most of my life, I am taught the same lessons over and over and over again. I am stubborn and not always to my credit. I am quick to adapt when I sense the entire situation is changing, but within "my controlled environment" (clearly an illusion) I feel as though change means failure. I refuse to fail and I refuse to change and in essence I guarantee my failure. Sometimes what is needed is perspective, time, and space. We need to slow down and recognize that something isn't working and really take the time rather than spending all of it trying to make a square peg fit in a round hole. Life teaches, I just need to be willing to listen.
Each time I sit down to reflect upon what I have read, I think I have not read much, but I am always surprised to have read more than I thought. Today I am sharing one book I read recently and absolutely loved.
I have been meaning to read a book by Michael Pollan for a while. I have seen him speak and heard of him for years. The first time I heard his name was from my college roommate who was reading The Omnivore's Dilemma, then from my father who went to see him speak, then my husband read The Botany of Desire and I even watched a documentary with him speaking. I really appreciate his messages in regards to food. I knew that I wanted to read his books, but never picked them up. While I was reading Sapiens, I considered watching the series Cooked on Netflix based on Michael Pollan's book. I felt though I wanted to read him first, so I found the oldest book he wrote that my library had and that happened to be The Botany of Desire.
I wasn't exactly sure what to expect when I first picked up this book. This book is a personal exploration of four plants and how their history was a result of human influence. He discusses the apple, the tulip, marijuana, and the potato. If you had asked me when I started reading it if I would want to read about marijuana, I would have told you no, absolutely not. I realize though this is a prejudice I have, also after watching Michael Moore's film Where to Invade Next, I realize the dramatic and unjust role of criminalizing has had on our population as a whole, especially targeting black people in a way that is now legal. Every other chapter though made me want to plant all the things, I am not a gardener, I can barely keep my basil alive. I do not yet have a yard, but I have plans and I am excited for their possibility and where they may lead. Pollan writes in an approachable way, he is clearly biased and it comes through, but I appreciate his sheer joy and how well researched his book is. I would highly recommend this book and look forward to reading more of his works.
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About MeI'm Sarah; a wife, traveler, foodie, and adventurer. Archives
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