I have not technically done the driving. To be honest, most of the time I was a passenger. I prefer not to drive, and when it comes to road trips I tend to be asleep in the passenger seat if we are still driving late enough. I know my prime time of alertness is in the morning and I no longer attempt driving excessively late and testing the boundaries. I also just do not love driving, I prefer my husband to be the one in the drivers seat. One of my goals in the next few years is to finally have visited the final 3 states of the United States I have yet to travel to. These states include: Alaska, Arkansas, and Hawaii . Due to our current location Arkansas is probably the easiest to visit. Alaska and Hawaii will require flights. That being said we have done enough road trips to visit the entire rest of the country. I have learned from these trips that the country is large and diverse, even simply in landscapes. You trade rolling hills in the Tennessee for rows of corn and soybeans in Iowa for dirt with tumbleweeds in Texas. We have driven through the US in a myriad of directions and I feel a great comfort having seen the land I chose to call home. I feel like the scenery is a part of me. I do feel like being all over makes you see that people are people. No matter where you go people are people. We are all flawed. We have good and bad parts and we are all a mixed bag. We are a product of our environment and a product of our growth. Sometimes we grow more rapidly and sometimes more slowly. I do find that this gives me a respect and a willingness to want to work together. We have found friends everywhere we have lived thus far, we are still working on Manchester, but I have faith we will find our way. I think surrounding yourself with people from different backgrounds is a way to ground yourself in the understanding that my opinions are simply that opinions, one of many. My opinions may be true for me, and others are true for other people. One of the things in our more global world is that we find pockets of others with our opinions and we tend to get into bubbles of like minded individuals. I have not found that to be true for myself, I find myself being an individual in a bubble of people who think differently. In a way being different is odd, but I am quite used to it at this point so I no longer assume my opinion is the only one or even the most prevalent one. I am more aware of my ignorance and my blindspots. I think there is a usefulness to being alone to rethinking and questioning. I have found traveling even within the country to expose me to a variety of opinions and points of view and that all of them have good. All people have good and that gives me hope. I see people and I see potential for infinite good, I just hope to do my part. I guess what I am trying to say is traveling and meeting people has made me who I am and I am grateful for it day in and day out. I see it in the small actions. The local dry cleaner who darned a tiny hole in my sweater for free. The man who helped me find the buzzer for customer service at a grocery store. The man who let me go in traffic. Even here where those actions may seem rarer they exist. There are people who light the darkness and their actions show them to be kind and helpful to strangers. I often think of the idea of how do we treat the least of these. I know I need to work on how I treat those around me and remember that my moments of kindness can go along way in creating the environment I want to be a part of.
0 Comments
We have not lived everywhere. We have lived in a few distinct states Connecticut, Florida, Iowa, and now New Hampshire. One thing I have learned for sure is that drivers approach it quite differently based on where they are located. Connecticut and New Hampshire have a number of similarities. The roads are windy here and those driving on them feel a need to speed and go quite fast most of the time, even on smaller local roads. I think in part that is because those local roads are used quite frequently. I find at least now the need to speed to be overwhelming and I keep wondering where people are going in such a hurry. The speeding seems to lead to crashing and then stop and go traffic. This is a more frequent occurrence than anywhere else I have lived. I think partially because of the speed and the density of people living here. People here also seem to treat stop lights as optional, and will frequently drive through a red light. In Florida, drivers did frequently speed, but the highways were typically not traffic filled. They were wide open so the speeding had less dramatic effects. Although you would frequently see cars completely flipped upside down and wonder how that had occurred. There was also a large mix of people who drove the speed limit or slower. People treated yellow lights as stop lights, and were much more patient with pedestrians. In Iowa, drivers most of the time drove the speed limit on all the lanes on the highway. They drove slower in poor conditions. It seemed people were in less of a hurry and more aware of others around them. I appreciated this more than I realized. I found it a comfort that driving the speed limit was the norm. How do people drive where you live? Any thing you have noticed?
One of the books everyone told me to read when my husband and I first got married was The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman. I had never heard of it before, but both my husband and I listened to it on audio. The book presents the idea that as individuals there are different ways to feel and give love and we might not have the same ones. Since reading the book, I have also heard of people whose love languages change over time. The five love languages he suggests are as follows:
Like with any other typing system, no language is better or worse than another, but they are all different. Reading this book was revolutionary in that I gained language for discussing something I previously was at a loss for how to discuss. Within each love language there are huge levels of variance. For example my husband and I both value quality time as one of our top love languages, but for me that looks like conversation over dinner, on a walk or just sitting on the couch talking, and for him it looks more like proximity, us doing things next to each other feels like quality time for him. The book makes a lightbulb go off in your head and you start trying to type others you know. In some sense, that can be useful, but it's not always accurate. People do not always express themselves clearly in that way.
This book gave me language to feel seen. I find seen when I am ten thousand feet deep into a conversation with another person, when I am analyzing and researching and considering all the minutia.
One of the parts of being human I think is most valuable is being seen just as you are. I think it is quite affirming to just let go of the pretense and the walls and simply exist next to someone else. I find the value of this to be immeasurable. My husband and I have that type of relationship, where I can tell him anything and I know he will still love me anyways, even if I share an unkind thought or something I struggle with he simply accepts me as I am. I hope I am able to give him that same sense of feeling seen.
In life, I feel like it is important to have places and spaces where you can be yourself and you know you are loved wholeheartedly by those around you. When I was young I found this in religion. As I have been reading through past journals, which for clarity's sake I only wrote in during times of distress, I noticed when I felt that no one loved me, I knew God did. I found comfort in knowing no matter how much I was selfish or alienating myself from those around me God still was there. The calm of feeling loved and accepted gives us the courage to be ourselves more and in the effort find out more of who we are and how to be our true selves.
As you go through your life, I hope you have opportunities to be seen and to see others, for who they are and love them anyways.
As the title implies, I am indeed pregnant. I found myself wanting to wait to share, both because I was enjoying knowing and only having my family know, but I am now willing to share with the world at large. At this point I am over halfway through my pregnancy and there have been tough times as well as fun ones, but as the title suggests and as I do on Thursdays today is my day to reflect on the things I am enjoying and loving about being pregnant. This will probably not be a theme forever, but for this Thursday I wanted to focus on all the things I have previously wanting to share but was waiting to feel comfortable to share. Baby MovementsI am loving the movements. I have noticed when I am walking or moving I do not feel the movements. In a way, feeling the movements is an art in meditating. I am forced to slow down and feel and shut out the outside thoughts or the outside world. I also just love the confirmation it provides, yes I am actually pregnant and there is a person living in my stomach. I am at the point where if I am watching closely and if the movements are big enough I can see them on the outside, which is just wild. Prenatal YogaI am a yoga lover and as I have been pregnant I have had to make adjustments to the parts of classes I participate in, but I have to say I do not mind. I am loving that with prenatal yoga, no adjustments are necessary and I can move my body in a way that feels good. SwimmingWe had a hot spell this past weekend and since it is the summer, the heat is not really going anywhere. I gave up running a few weeks ago because it was leading my hips to hurt when I slept so I have instead switched to swimming and I have to say I love it. I find it more tiring than I initially expected, but I am loving that I feel weightless and in a weird way not pregnant at all. Having a bumpThis is quite recent and I am pretty sure when I do not accentuate it no one really can tell. I like that I can tell and that I have some visible evidence of being pregnant. I am still mostly in the awkward burrito baby phase, where it looks like I had too much to eat, but I feel like now I can tell that I am growing in that area and I feel more confident, which makes a big difference. Intuitive EatingOne of the many books I have been reading to prepare for pregnancy is a book on Intuitive Eating. I realized when I found out I was pregnant that calorie restricting would not work. I am really enjoying how much I am learning from intuitive eating and that I am trusting my body. I am pretty sure this is a habit I will continue after I give birth because it is fairly easy to implement and I think it is what I have needed all along. The hardest part is trusting your body and listening to it, but I think that this is good practice for labor and birth and parenting in general. The only person who can do it is me and I need to trust my instincts and do what I see as right.
What are you thankful for this Thursday? Any parts of your pregnancy you were grateful for? If so please feel free to share below. I am feeling like I am truly coming into my own. The past few years I have shed a lot of the weight of being who others wanted me to be and now I feel like I can articulate the many things that make me feel like myself. If you are not sure what these things are for you, I would suggest you look at how you spend your time, and figure out what are the things that after you have done them you have no regrets, you feel that was time well spent. I have found that recently my life has been cultivated in a way that means I spend most of my days doing things that feel like me. I realize as I type those words how very privileged I am. I am grateful to my husband who allows me to not earn an income. I am grateful that we have adjusted life to be a way that makes me feel good. I feel most like myself when I am doing those things I love cooking, baking, yoga, movement, reading, creating, meditating, writing, researching, learning, and having deep conversations. I feel alive and aware and alert. I love those parts of my life and I never feel like time spent in those pursuits is wasted. I have other things I enjoy, I enjoy singing for example, but I find there to be a bit more pressure and exertion. It does not make me feel most like myself. I think one of the goals of life is to find a way to what makes you come alive and find a way to do those things as much as possible. I find for me when I am doing things that engage me, I become fully absorbed unsure where the time goes and I am fully present. Those moments are pure glory. I think when we each endeavor to do what we love we make the world a better place even if it seems small, my love for bread makes a difference. My joy in cooking and baking brings joy to others. Not only those who eat my food, but also those who see me and notice how happy and fulfilled I am. My job in life is to do the best to be myself and to bring joy to myself and others. I lead by example in certain realms, but I can honestly I do what I love everyday. When I am on vacation, I still meditate, write, exercise, and do yoga. I choose to do the same things I do daily on vacation, because they do not seem like chores, but they are just an essential part of who I am and by doing them I feel more myself and more ready to be present with others.
I have written before to share a list of books that I have read that fall into this category, but today I thought I would share with you my favorites and a bit more about them. When I consider a self growth book, I consider it to be a book that changed my thinking and forced me to re-examine the world in a new light that made me a better person and made me feel less alone.
What are your favorite self growth books? Any books that have made you who you are today? I am always on the lookout for new books.
If you have reading my blog for any amount of time, you have probably noticed my love of yoga. Last year I wrote about finishing Yoga with Adriene and I reflected on how that changed me. Last year in the chaos of all our moving I finished all the videos on the Youtube Channel Yoga with Kassandra. I find reflecting on what yoga has taught me to be a useful practice. There is a time for both strength and softness.Yoga with Kassandra was an interesting mix compared to Yoga with Adriene. She has classes that are more challenging and less challenging. She has moments in her classes that are quite challenging and push you to try things you never would have before, whether it is a headstand or a bird of paradise pose. She also always ends each class with an extended shavasana. She recognizes the need for both strength and softness and it is evident in her classes as well as in life. Sometimes you need to exert effort and sometimes what is needed is to soften and simply be as yourself. Stillness can be a greater challenge than strength.Yoga with Kassandra does a number of yin yoga classes. These require you to sit in a pose for a number of minutes without moving or shifting. Interestingly enough, although these classes can seem easier, sometimes sitting with yourself in a pose forces you to see things you would not already, to breathe and accept. I think this concept applies to life in general, rather than trying to fix and shift, just sitting breathing and allowing life to be as it is is quite a helpful practice. I am usually the type of person who rather than sit with something, I move onto the next task or the next fix. Some things in life cannot be fixed, sometimes the only thing to do is accept it as it comes good or bad. When I started doing her videos I realized I was not used to the amount of quiet and I would continually check to make sure the video was on. I think it is important to spend time in the stillness and the quiet. Both are part of life and we often do not spend enough time trusting in the stillness. Nothing needs to be taken so seriously.I tend to be quite serious, but sometimes in classes of yoga you fall. I fall all the time. I am learning and trying new things and I always found that Kassandra was authentic and falling did not feel like a failure, but I was able to let go and just enjoy the process of trying it out. This is true of my daily life. I need not take it so seriously, but rather I can simply enjoy the daily process of living. The joy upon actually getting a pose after you have fallen quite a bit is indescribable. Strength and flexibility are gained through patience and consistency.I found my flexibility grew quite a bit in the process of doing Yoga with Kassandra videos. This was not necessarily intentional, but I found that both my strength and my flexibility were cultivated over time. I may minuscule process daily and then overtime I was able to do things I could never do before. Sometimes you do not see the process as it comes, but rather you only see once you have arrived. I hope you found this interesting. I would recommend Yoga With Kassandra, but be ready for both challenge and quiet. I thoroughly enjoyed her videos. I have recently started another Yoga YouTube Channel and I will check back in and share how it goes. If you have any yoga suggestions, please comment below.
I am struck time and time again by how much my thoughts influence how I feel and how I act. This week in particular I am realizing how much my thoughts about myself, not being capable of change or growth lead to feeling bad and for me that all leads to eating. Eating out of stress and anxiety not out of true hunger. My mind changes everything. I decided midweek that this was something I was completely capable of changing, and that mental shift made all the difference. I no longer feel worried that I am going to starve at the first pang of hunger. I know everything is okay. I am okay. I know that I can trust myself, that I will eat when I am hungry and not eat out of boredom. I feel capable on that front. What I realized later in the week is my next motivation to eat when I am not hungry is when I am overtired or sleepy. I get oddly creative in those moments, envisioning what I can create from our kitchen, brownies, cookie dough, or blondies. Even in a sleepy hunger, I am oddly motivated to make things challenging. Usually though my body is not hungry, I just want sugar because I am exhausted. I wonder when I will actually know these things off the bat and not be caught off guard. I find myself still surprised and still learning. I do not know these basic signals until after the fact. I wonder if life will always be like this, me still learning after the fact until it becomes obvious and second nature. My thought patterns are my stumbling blocks. Especially those that I was unaware existed. This may always be the case. The few things I can take comfort in is that I am paying attention and learning as I go. I also know I have grown. Last week, I started using an old journal as my current journal. Reading through the entries I realize how much I have grown and changed from then until now. Growth is the goal, not perfection. Mostly because perfection does not exist and as we learn and know better on a practical level we do better, we continue to learn and grow always. This week I wish you hope in your journey and know that it is a process. How have you grown? How do you get in your own ways? What thought patterns are stumbling blocks for you?
I love that this is my time during the week to allow myself to reflect and be grateful for all that we have. My HusbandThis week had a few bumps for us, we had car troubles and a health issue and I am so grateful for my husband and his health. I am glad he is doing well and that he is a part of my life and sometimes when things get hard it really makes you realize all you have. The local YMCAI am growing and changing in my life and I am excited to start swimming again. I love how it feels and it is quite refreshing. I am blessed at the facility near us and how much it offers and how affordable it is. Avocado on Bread I want to call this avocado toast for simplicity's sake, but honestly I do not bother to toast it, I just put it on some homemade bread with everything bagel seasoning and flakey sea salt. Health InsuranceWe had an unexpected trip to the hospital this week and I have to say having insurance made at least that one part feel less stressful and more understandable. Slowly but surely everything finds a way. AdventuresThis weekend we went and explored a few new areas and I have to say I am excited to start doing that more. The weather was quite nice and I really enjoyed finding a new place to go for a walk. One of the things I love about life is the ability to try new things and take on new adventures. I am excited for all the many adventures on the horizon.
What are you grateful for this week? Please share below.
I have officially been meditating a bit over a year. I have meditated twice a day for this entire period of time. Meditation is an odd thing to talk about, because it does not work in a linear fashion. Meditating is not like reading a book. You do not start here and get there. I have found meditation to be more winding and complex than that. There are certain things I have found no longer seem to occur during meditation, but then there are others that repeat again and again. I am hoping by sharing some of my journey I will be able to slightly demystify meditation and encourage anyone else who is doing it as well to keep going.
When I started meditating, I initially would be filled with panic. I was only meditating for five minutes each time, but I was overwhelmed with the feeling I had left the stove on or the door unlocked and something would happen. After a week, that subsided for the most part, it comes back only rarely. I realized that in my life nothing is so important it cannot wait 1, 5, 10 or 30 minutes. I have found my distraction level comes and goes, sometimes I feel utterly distracted and sometimes my mind seems clearer. I know that is just how it is, but I also know that spending time, focusing on meditation helps me to be present with myself. When I resort to shorter meditations because I "don't have time" I am the only one who is suffering. I have gained calm and peace from meditating and a greater awareness that our thoughts dramatically influence our lives to a larger degree than I realized before. In a moment I can think one thing and immediately think it's opposite. In a way meditation helped me to realize that my thoughts are just thoughts, not facts that cannot be questioned. I also learned that my brain loves to get creative in finding ways to distract me, creating stories, planning and thinking about the future usually are the main distractors.
When I look at me now and who I was before I started meditating, I see a dramatic amount of change and awareness. I am not sure they are connected, but I know the calm and awareness I have gained from meditation has been life changing. I approach life from a less overwhelmed and stressed place, but from an understanding that it is okay. Everything is okay.
When I started meditating, I went to a Zen Center and one of the directions was to hold your hands to create the shape of a circle. The idea being that all is accepted, everyone, every thought all of it is allowed and accepted. I love that, the belief that no matter what occurs during meditation, whether I sneeze or am laying down or am sitting upright, whether I am distracted or focused all of it is allowed. I am accepted in meditation and I am practicing accepting myself through meditation exactly as I am.
If you want to get started with meditation here are some resources that might be helpful.
Jon Kabat-Zinn's audiobook, Mindfulness for Beginners- This book contains guided meditations that can be helpful in garnering awareness when just starting out.
Kabat-Zinn created Mindfulness Based Stress Reduction (MBSR), also known as scientific meditation. These classes are available in many locations. I took a class in Iowa and I was glad I did. It was nice to have support of meditating with others and intentional mindfulness week to week.
Robert Wright's book, Why Buddhism is True- If you want more of a scientific approach to meditation and the science behind a bit of how it works. This book also discusses Wright's personal journey with meditation.
Janwillem van de Wetering's book, The Empty Mirror-This is more of an experiential book on meditation.
William Hart's The Art of Living- This book discusses the how and why of Vipassana meditation.
In conjunction with above there is a ten day discussion of Vipassana on Youtube here. I found while I was getting used to Goenka's speech, it was helpful to start with captions. This is ten hour long discussions on the how and why of Vipassana meditation techniques.
The Book of Joy by the 14th Dalai Lama and Desmond Tutu. I found this book to be an interesting look at meditation and prayer. I also found it to have practical exercises to help.
Yongey Mingyur Rinpoche's The Joy of Living- Discusses meditation and mindfulness in daily life.
Yongey Mingyur Rinpoche's work has also been cultivated on a Youtube Channel here. I like to watch some of his videos for meditation practices and inspiration.
One other tool I use daily is my meditation application Insight Timer. This application is free and contains many free guided meditations. I mostly use it for the timer function, where I can set bells at intervals.
Now looking at this list I realize it is a bit daunting. I want to say. All of this took me at least a year if not more. Start slow where you are. I started with 5 minutes in the morning and the evening, then bumped up to 10 then 25 then 30. Now I aim for 30 except if I am sleepy, then I shorten the meditation accordingly. I have fallen asleep meditating and woken up and thought I had to continue meditating because I did not hear the final bell. My feeling on sleeping during meditation is, if you fall asleep you probably needed the sleep more than meditation, so do not be upset about it.
If you meditate, do you have any other resources to share? I am always on the lookout for others that I have not heard of.
|
About MeI'm Sarah; a wife, traveler, foodie, and adventurer. Archives
October 2019
Categories
All
|