I know at this point if you have been reading for a bit you will know some things about me, but I figured I would use this time to share a little more. I started blogging in high school and college, but I was not consistent. I was not able to put up content and to be honest I loved food, but I did not share my cooking because I failed quite a lot and because I did not think I would ever be able to write a recipe. Now that I have been blogging here for a bit over a year, I want to share the truth. I still fail quite a lot. I make things that are recipes that I do not love and to create a recipe myself takes time and effort and many attempts to get it just as I want it. I thought I had to wait until I was done, or a finished product to start sharing my journey. I thought I could only share recipes because I am passionate about food. What I have learned though is that this blog will change as I do, it will grow and adapt and I am willing and able to try new things. I think it will always involve food because food is my favorite, but I do not have to be a finished product. I find the process of writing to be useful even if I never share it. I enjoy working through ideas and thinking in community. I look forward to every comment and find it fascinating that people read this blog from places I have never been. I did not always blog and career wise, I have been a bit all over the place. I have worked at Old Navy, worked as an office assistant, and worked as a teacher. I probably at some point down the line will have more of a "career" in a traditional sense again, but for now. I love that this is what I get to do every weekday. I look forward to sharing and seeing your response and I would like to say thank you for reading, even if you never comment or like, I appreciate you and I hope in some small way I inspire you to do what makes you come alive.
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One of the things I have noticed living in different places is the way people shop is different. When I was growing up, shopping was an activity to do, some way to hang out with my friends. As I have shared recently shopping is not my favorite thing to do, but I will do it as a way to spend time talking to others. The one thing I am noticing the most here is the intensity of shoppers and the quantity. Living in Florida and even Iowa there were not many shoppers. In Florida people meandered through the aisles at a leisurely pace and when I first moved there I felt like I was always running into people. In Iowa people were not in a rush, but not as leisurely but by then I had adjusted and I was in less of a rush too. Living in New Hampshire I am noticing that the quantity of shoppers seems to always be plentiful no matter when you go, weekend or weekday. Also people seem to shop with a fierceness I am not used to, sprinting through the aisles and hurrying to get on with their day. I think really my ability to notice this says more about me than it does about them, because in reality I used to be one of them. I used to sprint through the aisles and try to hurry through as best as I could. Now though I take my time and I wonder why the rush, what is going to happen with those five minutes. What will you do with them that is worth the rushing now? I find for myself that nothing is that important and I wonder if it ever was. I am now slow and meandering, I walk intentionally and I am enjoying the process. I think the joy in the doing is more important than the time it takes, because if I am enjoying the process I am just in a better mood for the rest of the day. If you find yourself rushing, I would ask you to stop and think if this is helping or not? Only you can know and only you can decide what is right for you. For me, I will be going slower and being present in the small and mundane moments.
I feel like I am confessing a sin when I say that I hate shopping. I know it is a huge part of life and I should state that I do not hate all shopping all the time. I used to enjoy grocery shopping, and I believe that is more location based than gone for good which I will share in a future post. I guess what I am trying to say is that shopping for clothes, going to the mall, and walking around looking for things is not my jam. I have done it for years. I have gone with friends, and honestly I probably would still go with friends, but the reason I do that is to spend time with someone not to actually buy things. I feel like I have shared before that I am more minimalist, so the accumulation of stuff feels exhausting to me. The process of shopping is as well. I am picky and finding something I like often takes time and trial and error. To be honest finding a pair of jeans I liked took me months. I go shopping with others because I enjoy their company and I know that I am not actually likely to buy anything at all. I find though going without a purpose without either a friend to talk to or a specific item to purchase to be daunting and exhausting. I went to buy yoga pants a few months ago at Target. I knew the style I wanted to try and had looked it up so once in the store I could compare item numbers to the item number of what I was looking through and find what I was looking for. Yes, it took time, but being on a mission made it easier. I looked at nothing else but yoga pants. If I were just to browse Target, with the intent of shopping at random I would be overwhelmed. I have gone and walked Target with my husband as something to do in the winter and used it as a point of discussion, what do you think of this or that, but again I knew nothing would be purchased. A few months ago I went to the mall. I have to say I absolutely hate the mall. I went on a weekend and just parking was a nightmare, although I went on a weekday and the parking was just as bad, so maybe it is just malls here. Then inside there were so many people I felt overwhelmed before I got to the stores I was looking for. To combat all this I do most of my shopping online when I can. I buy things from Amazon, and other online distributers. The problem is clothing and not knowing how something will fit, because I only buy clothing when I need something. I am never sure of my size, which varies between brands and I am a big believer in trying something on before I purchase it so I know I will not be returning it later. Hence the need to go shopping. As I said before I do my grocery shopping once per week in a store, but that is a topic for another post. How do you feel about shopping? Any tips or tricks for making the whole process simpler and easier? What do you do?
I love spending time each week focusing on gratitude and what I am grateful for. Intuitive EatingI had heard about intuitive eating for years but I finally started reading the book on it a few months ago and although I am still working through the workbook, I must say it has profoundly changed the way I eat. I actually sit and focus more and I realize that foods I think in my mind will be tasty often are not tasty in real life. One of the things I think most people would experience if they sat down and focused only on taste not necessarily nutrition is that some of the foods we dream and fantasize about are not actually yummy at all. The pull apart bread that sounds great, might be wonderful, but might just be too heavy. I am a big believer in you won't know until you try. I have been trying things and realizing what I love is oftentimes where I started. I made mini cinnamon rolls this week and I took a single bite and realized they were not good, I would prefer greek yogurt with fruit, nuts and a drizzle of honey, so I ate that instead. When I pay attention to what agrees with my body I am able to realize that my mind is flawed at times and makes mistakes, believing one thing will be delicious when sometimes that is true and other times that proves to be false. I love this way of eating because it is practical and realistic for life. I am not giving anything up that I enjoy, but I am tasting it and eating it while it is enjoyable and stopping when it is no longer enjoyable. I aim for progress on this front not perfection. WaterThis summer has been warm and as we currently live on the third story with only one air conditioner, I have realized how much the temperature affects me. I have been drinking much water and trying to make that water cold, either from the pitcher in the fridge or with ice cubes. I find there is nothing as refreshing as a glass of water and I am honestly grateful that to be able to drink water all I have to do is turn on a faucet, not walk miles in a day or filter it or boil it, my water is clean and drinkable from the tap, and I am grateful for that ease. Memories and NostalgiaOne of the things I have been doing lately is thinking back to my life when I lived in Florida, which was almost 4 years ago. We were living together for the first time and learning the ropes of living in a new state. I have to say I am grateful for the people we were then and the people we are now and all the relationships and trips and adventures that we have had. I think it is easy to feel stuck in the now, but I can look back and relish in relationships that developed and adventures we took. We were fearless to a certain degree and thoroughly enjoyed ourselves and I am glad to have those memories to reflect upon. The Ability to ReadI have been wanting to read more lately and although I am still struggling to find books, my motivation is there no matter how many books it takes, which I find exciting. I love that reading is a joy for me and am grateful for all the teachers and tutors I had that helped me learn how and the librarians who encouraged me to enjoy reading. Air ConditionerWe may only have one, but I am loving this and really enjoying having a cooler house than the outdoors because as most days are in the 90s we on the third floor are struggling. My Local Indoor PoolAgain to beat the heat I have been swimming regularly and I love the refreshing feeling of getting in the pool.
How have you been keeping cool this summer? What are you thankful for? I have not technically done the driving. To be honest, most of the time I was a passenger. I prefer not to drive, and when it comes to road trips I tend to be asleep in the passenger seat if we are still driving late enough. I know my prime time of alertness is in the morning and I no longer attempt driving excessively late and testing the boundaries. I also just do not love driving, I prefer my husband to be the one in the drivers seat. One of my goals in the next few years is to finally have visited the final 3 states of the United States I have yet to travel to. These states include: Alaska, Arkansas, and Hawaii . Due to our current location Arkansas is probably the easiest to visit. Alaska and Hawaii will require flights. That being said we have done enough road trips to visit the entire rest of the country. I have learned from these trips that the country is large and diverse, even simply in landscapes. You trade rolling hills in the Tennessee for rows of corn and soybeans in Iowa for dirt with tumbleweeds in Texas. We have driven through the US in a myriad of directions and I feel a great comfort having seen the land I chose to call home. I feel like the scenery is a part of me. I do feel like being all over makes you see that people are people. No matter where you go people are people. We are all flawed. We have good and bad parts and we are all a mixed bag. We are a product of our environment and a product of our growth. Sometimes we grow more rapidly and sometimes more slowly. I do find that this gives me a respect and a willingness to want to work together. We have found friends everywhere we have lived thus far, we are still working on Manchester, but I have faith we will find our way. I think surrounding yourself with people from different backgrounds is a way to ground yourself in the understanding that my opinions are simply that opinions, one of many. My opinions may be true for me, and others are true for other people. One of the things in our more global world is that we find pockets of others with our opinions and we tend to get into bubbles of like minded individuals. I have not found that to be true for myself, I find myself being an individual in a bubble of people who think differently. In a way being different is odd, but I am quite used to it at this point so I no longer assume my opinion is the only one or even the most prevalent one. I am more aware of my ignorance and my blindspots. I think there is a usefulness to being alone to rethinking and questioning. I have found traveling even within the country to expose me to a variety of opinions and points of view and that all of them have good. All people have good and that gives me hope. I see people and I see potential for infinite good, I just hope to do my part. I guess what I am trying to say is traveling and meeting people has made me who I am and I am grateful for it day in and day out. I see it in the small actions. The local dry cleaner who darned a tiny hole in my sweater for free. The man who helped me find the buzzer for customer service at a grocery store. The man who let me go in traffic. Even here where those actions may seem rarer they exist. There are people who light the darkness and their actions show them to be kind and helpful to strangers. I often think of the idea of how do we treat the least of these. I know I need to work on how I treat those around me and remember that my moments of kindness can go along way in creating the environment I want to be a part of.
We have not lived everywhere. We have lived in a few distinct states Connecticut, Florida, Iowa, and now New Hampshire. One thing I have learned for sure is that drivers approach it quite differently based on where they are located. Connecticut and New Hampshire have a number of similarities. The roads are windy here and those driving on them feel a need to speed and go quite fast most of the time, even on smaller local roads. I think in part that is because those local roads are used quite frequently. I find at least now the need to speed to be overwhelming and I keep wondering where people are going in such a hurry. The speeding seems to lead to crashing and then stop and go traffic. This is a more frequent occurrence than anywhere else I have lived. I think partially because of the speed and the density of people living here. People here also seem to treat stop lights as optional, and will frequently drive through a red light. In Florida, drivers did frequently speed, but the highways were typically not traffic filled. They were wide open so the speeding had less dramatic effects. Although you would frequently see cars completely flipped upside down and wonder how that had occurred. There was also a large mix of people who drove the speed limit or slower. People treated yellow lights as stop lights, and were much more patient with pedestrians. In Iowa, drivers most of the time drove the speed limit on all the lanes on the highway. They drove slower in poor conditions. It seemed people were in less of a hurry and more aware of others around them. I appreciated this more than I realized. I found it a comfort that driving the speed limit was the norm. How do people drive where you live? Any thing you have noticed?
One of the books everyone told me to read when my husband and I first got married was The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman. I had never heard of it before, but both my husband and I listened to it on audio. The book presents the idea that as individuals there are different ways to feel and give love and we might not have the same ones. Since reading the book, I have also heard of people whose love languages change over time. The five love languages he suggests are as follows:
Like with any other typing system, no language is better or worse than another, but they are all different. Reading this book was revolutionary in that I gained language for discussing something I previously was at a loss for how to discuss. Within each love language there are huge levels of variance. For example my husband and I both value quality time as one of our top love languages, but for me that looks like conversation over dinner, on a walk or just sitting on the couch talking, and for him it looks more like proximity, us doing things next to each other feels like quality time for him. The book makes a lightbulb go off in your head and you start trying to type others you know. In some sense, that can be useful, but it's not always accurate. People do not always express themselves clearly in that way.
This book gave me language to feel seen. I find seen when I am ten thousand feet deep into a conversation with another person, when I am analyzing and researching and considering all the minutia.
One of the parts of being human I think is most valuable is being seen just as you are. I think it is quite affirming to just let go of the pretense and the walls and simply exist next to someone else. I find the value of this to be immeasurable. My husband and I have that type of relationship, where I can tell him anything and I know he will still love me anyways, even if I share an unkind thought or something I struggle with he simply accepts me as I am. I hope I am able to give him that same sense of feeling seen.
In life, I feel like it is important to have places and spaces where you can be yourself and you know you are loved wholeheartedly by those around you. When I was young I found this in religion. As I have been reading through past journals, which for clarity's sake I only wrote in during times of distress, I noticed when I felt that no one loved me, I knew God did. I found comfort in knowing no matter how much I was selfish or alienating myself from those around me God still was there. The calm of feeling loved and accepted gives us the courage to be ourselves more and in the effort find out more of who we are and how to be our true selves.
As you go through your life, I hope you have opportunities to be seen and to see others, for who they are and love them anyways.
As the title implies, I am indeed pregnant. I found myself wanting to wait to share, both because I was enjoying knowing and only having my family know, but I am now willing to share with the world at large. At this point I am over halfway through my pregnancy and there have been tough times as well as fun ones, but as the title suggests and as I do on Thursdays today is my day to reflect on the things I am enjoying and loving about being pregnant. This will probably not be a theme forever, but for this Thursday I wanted to focus on all the things I have previously wanting to share but was waiting to feel comfortable to share. Baby MovementsI am loving the movements. I have noticed when I am walking or moving I do not feel the movements. In a way, feeling the movements is an art in meditating. I am forced to slow down and feel and shut out the outside thoughts or the outside world. I also just love the confirmation it provides, yes I am actually pregnant and there is a person living in my stomach. I am at the point where if I am watching closely and if the movements are big enough I can see them on the outside, which is just wild. Prenatal YogaI am a yoga lover and as I have been pregnant I have had to make adjustments to the parts of classes I participate in, but I have to say I do not mind. I am loving that with prenatal yoga, no adjustments are necessary and I can move my body in a way that feels good. SwimmingWe had a hot spell this past weekend and since it is the summer, the heat is not really going anywhere. I gave up running a few weeks ago because it was leading my hips to hurt when I slept so I have instead switched to swimming and I have to say I love it. I find it more tiring than I initially expected, but I am loving that I feel weightless and in a weird way not pregnant at all. Having a bumpThis is quite recent and I am pretty sure when I do not accentuate it no one really can tell. I like that I can tell and that I have some visible evidence of being pregnant. I am still mostly in the awkward burrito baby phase, where it looks like I had too much to eat, but I feel like now I can tell that I am growing in that area and I feel more confident, which makes a big difference. Intuitive EatingOne of the many books I have been reading to prepare for pregnancy is a book on Intuitive Eating. I realized when I found out I was pregnant that calorie restricting would not work. I am really enjoying how much I am learning from intuitive eating and that I am trusting my body. I am pretty sure this is a habit I will continue after I give birth because it is fairly easy to implement and I think it is what I have needed all along. The hardest part is trusting your body and listening to it, but I think that this is good practice for labor and birth and parenting in general. The only person who can do it is me and I need to trust my instincts and do what I see as right.
What are you thankful for this Thursday? Any parts of your pregnancy you were grateful for? If so please feel free to share below. I am feeling like I am truly coming into my own. The past few years I have shed a lot of the weight of being who others wanted me to be and now I feel like I can articulate the many things that make me feel like myself. If you are not sure what these things are for you, I would suggest you look at how you spend your time, and figure out what are the things that after you have done them you have no regrets, you feel that was time well spent. I have found that recently my life has been cultivated in a way that means I spend most of my days doing things that feel like me. I realize as I type those words how very privileged I am. I am grateful to my husband who allows me to not earn an income. I am grateful that we have adjusted life to be a way that makes me feel good. I feel most like myself when I am doing those things I love cooking, baking, yoga, movement, reading, creating, meditating, writing, researching, learning, and having deep conversations. I feel alive and aware and alert. I love those parts of my life and I never feel like time spent in those pursuits is wasted. I have other things I enjoy, I enjoy singing for example, but I find there to be a bit more pressure and exertion. It does not make me feel most like myself. I think one of the goals of life is to find a way to what makes you come alive and find a way to do those things as much as possible. I find for me when I am doing things that engage me, I become fully absorbed unsure where the time goes and I am fully present. Those moments are pure glory. I think when we each endeavor to do what we love we make the world a better place even if it seems small, my love for bread makes a difference. My joy in cooking and baking brings joy to others. Not only those who eat my food, but also those who see me and notice how happy and fulfilled I am. My job in life is to do the best to be myself and to bring joy to myself and others. I lead by example in certain realms, but I can honestly I do what I love everyday. When I am on vacation, I still meditate, write, exercise, and do yoga. I choose to do the same things I do daily on vacation, because they do not seem like chores, but they are just an essential part of who I am and by doing them I feel more myself and more ready to be present with others.
I am struck time and time again by how much my thoughts influence how I feel and how I act. This week in particular I am realizing how much my thoughts about myself, not being capable of change or growth lead to feeling bad and for me that all leads to eating. Eating out of stress and anxiety not out of true hunger. My mind changes everything. I decided midweek that this was something I was completely capable of changing, and that mental shift made all the difference. I no longer feel worried that I am going to starve at the first pang of hunger. I know everything is okay. I am okay. I know that I can trust myself, that I will eat when I am hungry and not eat out of boredom. I feel capable on that front. What I realized later in the week is my next motivation to eat when I am not hungry is when I am overtired or sleepy. I get oddly creative in those moments, envisioning what I can create from our kitchen, brownies, cookie dough, or blondies. Even in a sleepy hunger, I am oddly motivated to make things challenging. Usually though my body is not hungry, I just want sugar because I am exhausted. I wonder when I will actually know these things off the bat and not be caught off guard. I find myself still surprised and still learning. I do not know these basic signals until after the fact. I wonder if life will always be like this, me still learning after the fact until it becomes obvious and second nature. My thought patterns are my stumbling blocks. Especially those that I was unaware existed. This may always be the case. The few things I can take comfort in is that I am paying attention and learning as I go. I also know I have grown. Last week, I started using an old journal as my current journal. Reading through the entries I realize how much I have grown and changed from then until now. Growth is the goal, not perfection. Mostly because perfection does not exist and as we learn and know better on a practical level we do better, we continue to learn and grow always. This week I wish you hope in your journey and know that it is a process. How have you grown? How do you get in your own ways? What thought patterns are stumbling blocks for you?
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About MeI'm Sarah; a wife, traveler, foodie, and adventurer. Archives
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